I am finding as a parent one of the toughest lessons to teach my kids is that sometimes life is just unfair. The birthday party invitations don't always come, friends sometimes disappoint or hurt our feelings and things just don't go like we had planned. Even as an adult, it still stings when I find out I wasn't invited to an event or I feel betrayed by a friend. How am I supposed to explain to my kids, something I don't fully understand myself?
With social media we now have the opportunity to see in the everyday lives of almost anyone we have come in contact with. I forgot what it was like to wonder about people....you know how you used think to yourself about what someone from high school or college was doing....now you just type their name in Facebook and you are seeing their kids, where they vacationed and maybe even what they ate for dinner. Little is left to the imagination....we can easily choose to "post" the good things in our lives and leave out the yucky stuff. We are left with a skewed since of reality.
I can't imagine growing up like this. As a tween and teen being exposed to every detail in your "friends" life must be hard. It was hard enough when I was growing up and feeling jealously over someone's new outfit or car when they turned 16 or trip to the mall or a sleepover I wasn't invited too. For that moment, when you found out you weren't included it stung, but home was a safe haven. No comparing, no jealously, out of site, out of mind. Now with social media, we invite the green eye monster in every time we log on. How do kids grow up like this and it not effect their self esteem and perception on life? I cringe when I think about how kids must feel on a daily basis with so much knowledge of what their friends are doing. Be sure and have that discussion with them, that life may not be as grand as their friends present it to be.
My kids are young, no social media for them, but still when my oldest came home from school the other day, talking about a birthday party he wasn't invited too, it hurt. I struggled to find words of wisdom for him....because I have felt the same way too, even as an adult. Feeling left out hurts and that is what I told him. I continued to tell him a story of a recent time I was left out and how it made me feel crummy all day. My son looked at me with surprise, that as an adult, my feelings could still be hurt. I think he see's me in a different light now, more human. Let's not forgot to tell our kids we have been there, it's always comforting to know you are not alone.
Moving around has been hard, it takes a long time to build solid, good friendships and everywhere we move, others already have that foundation we are trying to establish. It's hard to be the new kid or the new mama on the block. And when your family is unique, it's even harder. You take it more personally.
I encourage you to embrace new families. It's hard to move around and not have friends and family already established. It's hard to see kids whizzing by your house on bikes and not stopping to include your kids. Encourage your kids to get to know the new kid in town, invite the mom out for coffee. If you have never moved to a new town, you don't understand how hard it can be to feel a part of the community. Let's be sure and teach our kids that kindness counts. Make that first step as parents and model kindness to your children.
