Friendships have been on my heart and mind a lot lately. Why some blossom, why some fade, why some are so constant and dependable and others stop abruptly and leave hurt feelings and unanswered questions. Why some, have their season and place in our lives for a moment and others last through moves, years and life's ups and downs.
This has been on my mind a lot, because about a year ago, what I thought was a dear friendship of mine was ended, no discussion was had, no disagreement, no betrayal. I moved away and after a few months my calls went unreturned and messages unanswered....silence.
Of course I want to know why. I've laid awake at night questioning conversations we had and wonder what I may have done or said that could have caused it. I even wrote an apology note, in case I hurt her feelings, but silence was all that I heard.
For me, this friendship had a significant impact on my life. She had been my support
system at an overwhelming time in my life. She had a personal understanding for some
of my greatest fears and worries as a mother. Though the time we lived in the same city
was short, I thought we had roots in place, that would nurture our friendship, though
distance was far.
I'm trying to move on. Be grateful for long lasting friendships that need little stoking and yet still produce a hearty flame. You now, those friends that no matter how much time has past, if you call or see them, things fall into place, like you have never been apart. Or new friends, that you ask yourself, "where have you been my whole life." You "get" each other and without much effort, a bond is formed.
During the last couple weeks I have been blessed by random phone calls from old friends who wanted to catch up. Friendships, that despite the distance, have ended up being the most true and loyal. Thanks for reaching out girls, it came at just the right time!
I'm chalking the whole experience up to character building. A lesson learned in compassion and humility. Making sure the friends I do have, know the influence they have had in my life. That when I think of them, I take the time to let them know, that no matter how near or far we may be, I appreciate them. I may pray for them, or send a message or a call. Just a shout-out to let them know I am thinking about them.
So, dearest friends past and present, I am so thankful for you. Your words of encouragement, fun memories, laughter and tears shed are a part of me and my growth, as a person. I thank you, for at some season of your life, sharing it with me. Though time and distance, may be an obstacle, at some point you made an impact in my life and I thank you.
I'm not sure that I will ever find out why our friendship ended, but I will continue to send her sweet family well wishes, as they made a great impact on my life and at that moment, were just what I needed.
This has been on my mind a lot, because about a year ago, what I thought was a dear friendship of mine was ended, no discussion was had, no disagreement, no betrayal. I moved away and after a few months my calls went unreturned and messages unanswered....silence.
Of course I want to know why. I've laid awake at night questioning conversations we had and wonder what I may have done or said that could have caused it. I even wrote an apology note, in case I hurt her feelings, but silence was all that I heard.
For me, this friendship had a significant impact on my life. She had been my support
system at an overwhelming time in my life. She had a personal understanding for some
of my greatest fears and worries as a mother. Though the time we lived in the same city
was short, I thought we had roots in place, that would nurture our friendship, though
distance was far.
I'm trying to move on. Be grateful for long lasting friendships that need little stoking and yet still produce a hearty flame. You now, those friends that no matter how much time has past, if you call or see them, things fall into place, like you have never been apart. Or new friends, that you ask yourself, "where have you been my whole life." You "get" each other and without much effort, a bond is formed.
During the last couple weeks I have been blessed by random phone calls from old friends who wanted to catch up. Friendships, that despite the distance, have ended up being the most true and loyal. Thanks for reaching out girls, it came at just the right time!
I'm chalking the whole experience up to character building. A lesson learned in compassion and humility. Making sure the friends I do have, know the influence they have had in my life. That when I think of them, I take the time to let them know, that no matter how near or far we may be, I appreciate them. I may pray for them, or send a message or a call. Just a shout-out to let them know I am thinking about them.
So, dearest friends past and present, I am so thankful for you. Your words of encouragement, fun memories, laughter and tears shed are a part of me and my growth, as a person. I thank you, for at some season of your life, sharing it with me. Though time and distance, may be an obstacle, at some point you made an impact in my life and I thank you.
I'm not sure that I will ever find out why our friendship ended, but I will continue to send her sweet family well wishes, as they made a great impact on my life and at that moment, were just what I needed.
"Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the
perfect preparation for the future that only He can see.”
-Corrie ten Boom from The Hiding Place
Maintaining friendships is so complicated. With those I've moved away from I notice a common trend. We'll communicate e-mail, facebook, whatever, and at some point one of us will give a rushed response. After that we both feel too busy to keep writing for a while. However, I've found the true friendships I have always rekindle a little later. I hate the times when we are not in touch, but I am always happy to know I can count on them.
ReplyDeleteShelly, I agree, true friendships last through it all an and am blessed to have many of those. Thanks for your comments.
DeleteI'm sorry for your lost friendship. I think it's hard to make new friends as adults. All the ones that I make here keep moving away!! Argh!! I just need Katie to move to KC and we will be all set. :)
ReplyDeleteSarah,
DeleteIt is hard to make new friends as an adult. We have moved 7 times since I have been an adult and I ''d like to say it got easier, but it doesn't'. I love it that you and Katie are still so tight knit, I love friendships like that...you are two of a kind.
Friendships are tough to keep after a move. I've had several friendships dissolve after they move away or when I move. It's not always one specific thing like a fight or misunderstanding. Sometimes life just gets in the way, you become busy with other things, or you get lazy about keeping in contact. But I've also been able to reconnect to old friends in ways that weren't possible years ago (thanks, Facebook!).
ReplyDeleteYes Facebook, makes things so much easier! But at the same time, I have gotten bad about not calling people or giving them more response than a "like" every now and again. This is why I want to take the time to let people know how I feel and let them know I am thinking about them.
DeleteAdult friendships are hard! When we were kids, we could just walk up, start playing, and boom!, new friends. I wish it was that easy now. As a naturally shy person, I've always struggled to make new friends, so it's even more important to me that I maintain my existing friendships. I'm sorry you had to go through this hurtful and difficult experience.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right Jessie. Now it is hard to even talk to people chasing kids and chauffeuring them all around, who's got time to develop friendships. Thanks for your kind words.
DeleteThis was a beautiful post and so true for many of us. I am sorry that friendship ended the way it did for you, but I truly believe some people come into our lives for a reason but not necessarily to stay. It's sad I know, you have wonderful memories, yet it is confusing as to why it ended. You may never know, but I wouldn't look at it like it was anything you have done wrong, she is no doubt missing out on having a truly awesome friend in you!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kerry, for your sweet words. I'm sure your right, but it has been hard explaining to my kids, as they ask about her kids and I'm not sure what to say. Thanks for the kind words.
Delete